Within
WithinWhat know we mortal beasts of heaven? Hell?We know so little of this life we liveWho needs someone to punish or forgiveIn afterlife? It's all here where we dwellThe Heaven of a lover's sweaty...
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Hi LarryI enjoyed this poem. Some first thoughts here.The inversion in L9 is perhaps a little bit risky.Take another look at L14: I would just put 'until' (extra syllable); this way the line doesn't...
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I didn't change the order of rhymes.ABBA, ABBA, ABBA, except to rhyme the last two. This is standard in this type of sonnet. I posted a not sonnet last week on the notsonnets board, because it was...
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Thanx. I read your 'double' sonnet. I remember thinking: just add 1 quatrain to each of these 2 sonnets and present them thus on Sonnet Writing. Perhaps a good thought of me this time?
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"Mr. Service was the richest poet in history.""No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public."--H. L. MenckenAnd of course Keats' death in poverty proves conclusively he was...
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Larry, I like this for the sound of it -- could even take a double dose -- and was relieved to know the missing beat in the last line was an oversight. Just a couple of questions.Funny, I never even...
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I mean that songs are not punctuated in the normal manner when written. If the "normal" punctuation were put in it would confuse anyone who was reading it as a song as the same dots and squiggles mean...
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It would be a good thought now if I were writing it now. That is kind of one of my old standards though. It's like me, too old to change. I've been messing with the boundaries of the form for quite a...
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Larry,Not to be argumentative, but I'm curious now about your assertion that you are too old to change. I'll read and enjoy your poems anywhere, but why post in a workshop-type forum? Am I overlooking...
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Oh, I'm just overworked and cranky.COME AND READ AT MYMAIN SITETAKE THE KIDS TO MYKIDS SITE
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Hi, Larry!First of all, I really enjoyed your poem with the possible exception of line 9, which I found uncharacteristically nonmusical, and I don't understand the syntax. Oh, and the last line, which...
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WithinWhat know we mortal beasts of heaven? Hell?We know so little of this life we liveWho needs someone to punish or forgiveIn afterlife? It's all here where we dwellThe Heaven of a lover's sweaty...
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Dear Larry,I don't care what anyone says. You're good!Think you should go with your first impression by changing 'til to "till the nothingness of death." The flow is much better and conforms to...
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